I met the love of my life the spring of 1995, I was 38 years old. Not one for recalling dates, wedding anniversary included, without the aid of an electronic calendar I worked backwards from the year I got married to figure that out. I finally have this fixed in my mind, 1996, because my son was 16 and it was the year before that my future husband and I met. And, may I add that I now have the actual date fixed in my mind finally, after 16 years of wedded bliss and much poking fun at my lack!
It all started as a kind of dare, at least that’s how I remember it. We all have a story in us, some parts fiction. some parts massaged. This one’s mine so I’ll tell it as I see fit. You’ll have to take my murky word for it that it was a dare.
My very dear friend was meeting men through a telephone chat line which she felt would be a fantastic way for me to leave my hermit ways and meet a man. Suggestions along this same line emanated from my fathers’ lips and in earlier years my grandmothers’ with the advice to take up a hobby. Now there’s a dear.
Not too long before these encouraging words were spoken by my friend I had come to the conclusion that perhaps I could share my life with a special someone on a more permanent basis, so what part dare and what part willingness is unclear.
So, it began. I would call into this chat line and listen to the men describe what they were looking for on their personal recordings and had the opportunity to chat live with a few gentlemen. After being stood up on the only two dates I made using this chat line I decided this wasn’t for me. The desires were a bit risque and included such items as S&M and adulterous engagements, not exactly what I was looking for as a lover was easy to come by. However I had noticed a recorded advertisement for an alternate chat line where the people engaged were interested in anything from casual dating to long term relationships. What the heck let’s give that a try!
The only person I actually spoke with on the Telepersonals chat line is now my happily married husband, no matter what he might tell you.
We spent hours on the phone getting to know each other and decided we should meet. I had his phone number and dialed *69 before dialling his number so he couldn’t get mine. We made a date to meet at Tim Horton’s on a Saturday morning. On the Tuesday before he left a message on Telepersonals to say he was on his way to Bowling Green, Kentucky and wasn’t sure he’d make it back for our date to which I replied, “just peachy, know that I have your number and can track you down!”. Seems a little creepy now that I see it in print but I was thoroughly disillusioned by my previous experiences and I was pretty good at tracking people down using phone numbers and address fragments.
I left him my phone number so he could call me Friday night to let me know what was happening. Happily he called to say he had returned and would see me as planned the next day.
What a date is was! I don’t mean it was particularly romantic nor did we dine in expensive restaurants or enjoy haute cuisine, hardly a worry at your neighbourhood Timmy’s, but it was the longest “date” I’d ever been on and I knew the minute I lay eyes on him I was going to marry him. Our 10 am coffee meeting turned into lunch, then he had some errands and I accompanied him followed by fours hours lingering over dinner and late night chatting sitting in his car before I left to go home. Then someone called the other (can’t remember who) and we chatted some more.
Not only was this the longest date I’d ever been on but the topics of discussion were astonishing. Neither of us had ever been married, though yours truly had lived with several partners (serially), we both believed that if one screwed around on the other there’d be no second chances. I enhanced this with “you’ll be dead so no worries in that department”. Do I sound a bit dramatic, do take note! I had had a tubal ligation so there’d be no more issue from my womb so if he wanted children he should look elsewhere. We agreed (my idea) that certain dalliances would have to wait for at least 6 months to ensure there was a solid relationship (a first for me, but definitely, somewhat, at least partially committed). There were many other topics like religion, politics, etc. which we don’t need to explore.
Months later when he finally caught up and we all agreed that, yep, this was it and we would marry I told my two closest friends, the one whose dare sent me down this path in the first place, and another who has known me since my late teens. Neither of them believed me. The one thought I was joking around and the other felt the relationship was ill-fated and maintained that view until the day she died. The, “you’re joking, right?”, friend asked me three questions based on her intimate knowledge of my core being. Does he dance? Well, he has no rhythm, so not really. Does he sing? He can’t carry a tune. Is he on the same spiritual plane as you? A guffaw was my first response and then a firm “no”. She then asked why on earth are you marrying this man?” to which I responded as anyone besotted does, “because I love him”!
The friend who passed within a year of our wedding and stood as my maid of honour was not around to see our relationship grow and flourish which saddens me. I was led to the alter by my just turned 16 year old son who cried “Mummy, are you ready yet?” from the bottom of the stairs (in our townhouse) which made my friends chuckle. Imagine a 6’2″ man-child.